After the national press reported some of the strange questions asked of tourist offices across the country this week, including “Are there any lakes in the Lake District?”, “Is Wales closed in the Winter?” and ” What time of night does the Loch Ness monster surface and who feeds it?” I wondered what questions were asked of Lancaster and Morecambe’s Tourism offices, and I’ve written a story for Virtual-Lancaster based on the response I got from our obliging Council press office, which I thought I ‘d share with you as some New Year amusement.

It’s clear they get their fair share of the strange, and answer them with a mix of patience and the usual forthright responses you’d expect.

The Tourist Office has details of over 300 strange questions asked in 2006, but a selection of their favourites includes “Is Morecambe north or south of Pontefract?”, ” Do you need a passport to go to The Isle of Man?”, How do I stop my telephone bill while I’m on holiday? I live in West Yorkshire” and “Does the ferry go right into the port?” (No, it ditches you in the sea!)

Other general questions included “Is the beach open?”, ” Can you put me on your mailing list for shows in Manchester?” and “Have the guided walks been stopped because of the petrol shortage?”

A display by the Red Arrows in Morecambe provoked some strange questions. ” When the Red Arrows come, will you be opening The Platform doors to let them in?” asked one bemused visitor, while another asked “Where will the Red Arrows be?” In the sky, hopefully – and they were, as anyone who watched the impressive show last year will recall

Major local events such as Lancaster’s Fireworks Night generate plenty of questions. ” What time are the fireworks?” asked one Lancaster customer. “About ten o’clock,” replied the dutiful Tourist officer.

“Oh,” pondered the visitor. “Is that at night?”

Morecambe’s location seems to confound some visitors. Several visitors ask questions about Blackpool rather than our local seaside town, one asking for a list of Blackpool churches and tourism figures for Blackpool Pleasure Beach. One asked for a list of hotels which was immediately supplied. “Oh, great,” came the enthused response. Then: “And they’re all close to Robin Hood’s Bay, are they?”

Sometimes, Tourist Information has to refer visitors to Council offices elsewhere in our area. When one tourist was advised they should visit the City Council’s Arts and Events office to answer their queries, the visitor responded “Have they got a door?”

The best answer to a question I was sent has to be the response to the poser “What does the Eric Morecambe statue on the promenade weigh?”

“We he he!” replied the staff member, aping one of Eric Morecambe’s famous phrases. Yes, we can just picture the blank face of the tourist who got that response.

The Tourism offices deal with thousands of visitor queries a month, so you’d expect some oddities amongst the many sensible ones. But there are some that stump even the best brains on Castle Hill or the Platform offices. One worried caller rang to ask “My catheter is leaking. What should I do?”

“Have you tried your doctor?” replied the officer, helpfully.

“Yes, but there was no reply,” said the caller, “So I thought I would try you…”

John Freeman

The founder of downthetubes, which he established in 1998. John works as a comics and magazine editor, writer, and on promotional work for the Lakes International Comic Art Festival. He is currently editor of Star Trek Explorer, published by Titan – his third tour of duty on the title originally titled Star Trek Magazine.

Working in British comics publishing since the 1980s, his credits include editor of titles such as Doctor Who Magazine, Babylon 5 Magazine, and more. He also edited the comics anthology STRIP Magazine and edited several audio comics for ROK Comics. He has also edited several comic collections, including volumes of “Charley’s War” and “Dan Dare”.

He’s the writer of “Pilgrim: Secrets and Lies” for B7 Comics; “Crucible”, a creator-owned project with 2000AD artist Smuzz; and “Death Duty” and “Skow Dogs” with Dave Hailwood.

Categories: Uncategorised

Tags: Lancaster, Morecambe, Tourism