Updated: 17 January 2001. Compiled by John Freeman. Special thanks to Lance Falk, Linda Roberts and Janele Hansen!

This page of my site is dedicated to our dear departed dogs Danny and Beccy, together now in the Happy Hunting Grounds. We miss you both.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

1. Dogs love it when your friends come over.
2. Dogs think your singing is great.
3. A dog’s time in the bathroom is confined to a quick drink.
4. Dogs don’t expect you to call if you are running late.
5. The later you are, the more excited a dog is to see you.
6. Dogs will forgive you for playing with other dogs.
7. Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
8. Dogs are excited by rough play.
9. Dogs don’t mind if you give their offspring away.
10. Dogs understand that farts are funny.
11. Dogs love red meat.
12. Dogs can appreciate excessive body hair.
13. Anyone can get a good-looking dog.
14. If a dog is gorgeous, other dogs don’t hate it.
15. Dogs don’t shop.
16. Dogs like it when you leave lots of things on the floor.
17. A dog’s disposition stays the same all month long.
18. Dogs never need to examine the relationship.
19. A dog’s parents never visit.
20. Dogs love long car trips.
21. Dogs understand that instincts are better than asking directions.
22. Dogs understand that all animals smaller than them were made to be hunted.
23. When a dog gets old and starts to snap at you incessantly, you can shoot it.
24. Dogs don’t hate their bodies.
25. Dogs never criticize.
26. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
27. It’s legal to keep a dog chained up in your house.
28. Dogs don’t want to know about every other dog you ever had.
29. Dogs would rather have you buy them a hamburger dinner than a lobster one.
30. You never have to wait for a dog.  They’re ready to go 24 hours a day.
31. Dogs have no use for flowers, cards, or jewellery.
32. Dogs can’t talk.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you’re gone.
3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
4. Dogs feel guilt when they’ve done something wrong.
5. Dogs don’t brag about whom they have slept with.
6. Dogs don’t criticize your friends.
7. Dogs admit when they’re jealous.
8. Dogs do not play games with you – except fetch (and then never laugh at how you throw).
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know the most important thing is that you’re together.
10. Dogs don’t feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. You can train a dog.
12. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
13. You are never suspicious of your dog’s dreams.
14. Gorgeous dogs don’t know they’re gorgeous.
15. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.  (OK, the really worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there’s a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
16. Dogs understand what “no” means.
17. Dogs don’t need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
18. Dogs don’t make a practice of killing their own species.
19. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
20. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
21. You can house train a dog.
22. You can force a dog to take a bath.
23. Dogs don’t constantly correct your stories.
24. Middle-aged dogs don’t feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.
25. Dogs aren’t threatened by a woman with short hair.
26. Dogs aren’t threatened by two women with short hair.
27. Dogs don’t mind if you do all the driving.
28. Dogs don’t step on the imaginary brake.
29. Dogs admit it when they’re lost.
30. Dogs don’t weigh down your purse with their stuff.
31. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
32. Dogs take care of their own needs.
33. Dogs aren’t threatened if you earn more than they do.
34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.
36. Dogs don’t drink bear and smoke cigars.
37. Dogs don’t mind if you go shopping and have to make up for it in the grocery budget.

‘The Perfect Man’ (above) was sent to me by Linda Roberts: thanks, Linda. I think I can say I’ve a long way to go. Heh.

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME …

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both are threatened by their own kind.
4. Both like to chew wood.
5. Both mark their territory.
6. Both are bad at asking you questions.
7. Neither tells you what’s bothering them.
8. Both tend to smell riper with age.
9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
10. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches.
11. Neither does any dishes.
12. Both fart shamelessly.
13. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
14. Both like dominance games.
15. Both are suspicious of the postman.
16. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
17. Neither understands what you see in cats.
18. Neither man or dogs know to put the seat down when they are done.
19. Both men and dogs scratch themselves unabashedly at the most embarrassing moments

WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS …

1. Men only have two feet to track in mud.
2. Men can buy you presents.
3. Men don’t have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
4. Men are a little bit more subtle.
5. Men don’t eat cat turds on the sly.
6. Men open their own cans.
7. Dogs have dog breath all the time.