Avoiding the World Cup: Day One

Well, actually, that’s a lie, I’ve been trying to avoid it for weeks. But really, what’s all the fuss about? If I hear any more about Wayne ‘Shrek’ Rooney’s bloody meta tarsel I swear I’ll put a brick through the telly and no, that won’t be an excuse to race out and buy a 42″ replacement and couch to match.

As my wife said when the dreaded injury occurred, ‘get up, you’re not dead’, which perhaps wasn’t very charitable but you really would think Rooney was going to play every position on the field for England and there weren’t another, um, 20 + players in the squad.

One of my friends works in a nursing home and some of the little old ladies in there have gotten themselves in a right state, wondering if they’re missing something and why the World Cup is suddenly so important… and thinking that it really must be important and perhaps they should join in somehow. is there a senior citizens version of the tournament?

Today’s attempt to avoid the world cup may involve pouring cold water over passers by wearing England shirts and talking loudly about baseball. Since very few British people know anything about baseball — including me — no-one will dare challenge me and I will insist it is far more important than anything going on in Germany.

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